I have "quit" my job.


I use the term "quit" very loosely as I may see it as me quiting but some may see it as me getting fired. Funny, because it sounds exactly like what happened before, you know with my other job.

Anyway, now i'm only working part time with very little chance of getting a day job. I'm honestly hoping that La Tasca can make up the hours I need, but I've pretty much resolved that I'm fucked. Literally fucked. The best part? I could have avoided it all.


As always I 'm not the most responsible or reliable person in the world. I'm pretty much a flake. I know that some of you may disagree or may tell me that I'm just misguided or that I'm still coping with the lost of my Father (and my fiancee). The fact is, those are all excuses for my behavior. Think back as long as you've known me and ask yourself what I'm really like. I'm not a nice person, I'm selfish. I lie.


I think the fact that I'm perfectly happy admitting these things to the masses is a step in the right direction. It's not that I want to change myself, because I don't want to. I'm perfectly happy with who I am. None of you might be, but as I stated, don't care.


Increasingly, all I can think about is leaving. Traveling. Taking the rent money saying fuck it all, my annoying and selfish room mate, my shitty little house, the high price to live in this damn country, and getting the fuck out of here. Uni and Alex. The only reasons I'm still in this country. Lucky for me, alex and my friends, if I leave and travel and do what I actually want to do in live simply, I can still come back and visit. I can still see all you guys and hang out every now and then, but when I want to go, I just do. I'm off again.




Nomadic is the term. That's what I want to be. I want to carry only the things that are important to me (which you all my be surprised to learn is quiet a short list). Only a few changes of clothes, the toiletries I need, my computer, my ipod and my guitar.



that'd literally be all I'd carry with me.



It would be bliss as much as it would be hard. I want to do it, I want to be free. I know it's the wrong choice, and I know I'll let down a lot of people if I make that choice, but inside me, I just want to do it. No matter what I do it'll nag me, it'll be there saying "you know brad, you could just leave. you could go somewhere else, you have what you need."


I resist it, but only just.



One of these days very soon, I think life will get me very down and before you know it, I will be gone. Just like I left the military, just like I left Carters. Just like I leave the club when I'm ready to go home.

Gone


No good-byes. No hugs. No kisses. Just the memories of who I was is all that you fine people will have.


And to be honest, that's exactly how I love it.